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How do you win every heart?

3 Ways to WIN the Hearts of your People Empathy. Sympathy is the ability to care and understand the suffering of another person, while empathy is the ability to experience the feelings of another person. ... Constructive Criticism. ... Friendship OVER Supervision.

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I've just completed my position as a Teaching Assistant in a first-year engineering and communications course, at the University of Toronto. At the end of our final tutorial, I was in absolute AWE of the emotional state the students had put me through. The round of applause, the genuine thanks and appreciation, and the sadness knowing that this tutorial was their last, all moved me to feelings and emotions I had never experienced. When I told my mother about this experience, and the fact that I didn’t expect to receive such appreciation, my mom’s simple response was: “Do you know why? Because you did it from your heart”. Human beings are nothing but emotional creatures. We love, we hate, we laugh, and we cry. The ability to create and nurture genuine friendships is not based on how well you speak, what your status is, or how many "connections" you have on LinkedIn (or “followers” on Instagram), but merely by your ability to open your hearts to the people. When you open your hearts to people, people will realize that you are in fact REAL and have nothing to hide. People will realize that you actually genuinely care about them, and when they know that, they’ll open their hearts to you in return. Throughout various teaching and leadership experiences, I discovered 3 ways to WIN peoples' hearts:

1. Empathy

Sympathy is the ability to care and understand the suffering of another person, while empathy is the ability to experience the feelings of another person. As you can tell, one has a stronger emotional connection than the other. Before you speak to someone, *virtually* put your feet into their shoes, walk a couple of steps, put yours back on, and then speak. Everyone is fighting a battle that you’re not aware of. In the case of my students, I had a very good feel of their battles (both mentally and academically), as I used to be a struggling, lonely, first-year student once. This allowed me to connect with the students very easily, and become more of a friend than a teacher. Seek to empathize and not sympathize with your people. If you do so, then congratulations my friend, you just won yourself a heart!

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Here is a beautiful video by Brené Brown on empathy.

2. Constructive Criticism

We live in a time where people feel the need to express dominance over others. Individuals who hold higher positions of power amongst their peers often find the tendency to express it by being too quick to criticize, too quick to point fingers, and too quick to penalize. While it may be your job to make sure people do things the right way, do realize that there's a proper way to do it. You can do it manager-style, and people will only hate you in return. OR, you can do it leadership-style, empowering people to seek their fullest potential and go above and beyond, winning their hearts in return. A technique I found very effective while teaching my students was constructive criticism. Essentially: Rewarding people for their efforts, before - Highlighting areas where they could do better, while - Providing the necessary guidance and tools to do so.

3. Friendship OVER Supervision

Back in my undergrad days, I’ve had many teaching assistants (TAs) who’d start their class on a very dry, *authoritative*, note. They’d walk up to the chalkboard, write off from the piece of paper they were holding, give some instructions, announce assignment deadlines, and then walk out. That was it. Almost always, we all forgot those TAs’ names as soon as they walked out of that classroom; OR because they didn’t even introduce themselves in the first place... Learning the negative effects of this method of "teaching", I decided not to use it on my students. During my teaching position, I would make sure I asked the students how they were feeling before uttering a word related to the course material. I made it my obligation to learn every students' name. I made it my obligation to be there for the students, and not just for the course, but for any struggle they were experiencing while coping with university life. Befriend your people - that will allow you to go above and beyond your job description (in a good way). Be a shoulder to lean on, and give them advice whenever you can. Let them know that you genuinely and sincerely want to see them be better. Be more of a "friend that wants to see them grow", than their supervisor or teacher.

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3 additional tips on creating and growing genuine relationships:

4. Be REAL. You don't have to wear a *mask* to perform the authoritative position you've just been granted. Continue to be you, be as honest as you can be, and yes, you CAN still do this while meeting your job description and adhering to professional work conduct. Coming to think of it, the people I love to spend time with the most are the ones that are not afraid to express themselves and who they are, and many of them are leaders in their own fields (makes sense right?). 5. Humble yourself. Wish goodness for your peers as you would for yourself. Once you do so, not only will you lead your company/team/students towards success, but you will WIN hearts and establish genuine friendships that will last a lifetime. 6. Invest in yourself before anyone else. This may sound selfish, but think about it for a moment. If you don't put the time and care into nurturing your body, mind, and soul, how on EARTH would you gain the energy to help the people that you love? Be at your finest, so you can give people your FINEST.

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Finally, realize that NONE of the above would help if your ego keeps following you around like a shadow. Keep it at the door, or even better, kill it with passion. “To win the hearts of others, you must lose some colors of your ego.” - William Shakespeare

Please feel free to share any tips or experiences of your own!

Now go out and WIN yourself some hearts! <3

Much love,

-Ahmed

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